It's December 1st in Australia, and yet I'm still wearing my fluffy trackies and fuzzy dressing gown. Bliss! I'm sure the nasty hot weatherwill arrive sooner or later (we've had a couple of plus-30s already), but for the most part the weather has been freezing with rain. Yay!

Another sign of the Apocalypse: someone on Crikey pointed out that the Liberal party is now being run by an Abbott and a Bishop. Boooooo! Hopefully his ascension to leadership means that Abbott will be out on his arse before he gets the chance to drag people back to the 1950s... I am completely appalled that a person would be given power when they think they have the right to apply their particular ideology to me. Be as religous as you like, Tony, it makes no difference to me... until you try to force your beliefs into law. I mean, the guy has been given a glowing endorsement by John Howard. That's a kiss of death right? Right?! Boooo! Hiss! *sings* Swing right, sad Liiii-ber-aaaaals, out into the wil-der-neeeeeeeess.

And don't get me started on the ETS bullcrap. Yes the ETS sucks, it sucks because it doesn't address the real need for carbon reduction. Band-Aid Solution? Try vinegar-and-brown-paper solution. And then, in an effort to appear 'balanced', news and current affiers programs give bloody 'climate skeptics' air time that can be inversly correlated with the support their views get in reputable peer-reviewed publications. Fine, give them air time, give them 2% of the air time, give the rest to scientists (actual scientists) who talk sense. Boooooooooo! The message seems to be "If we don't admit humans are fucking up the planet, then we don't have to feel responsible for the global warming/ocean dead zones/polluted air/pesticide-laden water/insert the rest here". More Boooooo!!!!!

*deep breath*

Here's another entry from the WTF files: Someone out there in Internetland has expressed their love of Twilight by making a needle-felted item (so far so good)... of Bella's womb, complete with tiny unborn super-vampire-foetus. Sick and wrong.

I've been spending too much time on YouTube lately, so here's a few things I liked:

While I was over in the UK last year I caught a couple of episodes of Supersizers Go... on the Beeb. The concept was basically the same as Supersize Me, but instead of eating McDungballs for a month, the two presenters explore different historical cuisines for a week at a time, then get medically assessed for the sudden onset of gout, scurvy or other fun diseases. Some of the historical diets they have checked out are: Ancient Roman, 1920s, Regency, 1970s, Wartime, Resoration, Victorian and (my favourite) Elizabethan (featuring a jelly 'the colour of sadness'). There are two series neither of which is available on DVD (curse you BBC!). Start watching for the history, keep watching for the snark.

I heard about 'literal film clips' on an ancient podcast. This is where people rerecord popular songs to literally describe the filmclip. There's a wide range in quality, but the best one I've seen so far is Total Eclipse of the Heart. "Twirl around, ninjas", indeed. Awesome.

A classic for ya - my favourite Old Skool Sesame Street song, The Batty Bat. MADE OF WIN. As one of the commenter pointed out, The Count Von Count is much cooler than Edward Cullen.

And here's one for the Browncoats: Nathan Fillion dressed up as Captain Tightpants on Castle. Oh Firefly, we hardly knew you. *weep*

I suppose I should go write some more NaNoWriMO...

I haven't been into work for two days. Instead I've been off relearning first aid on the company payroll. Yay! Now I am one of three first aid officers - the power. The main things I have learnt: getting bandaged up is strangely comforting, and warm blankies solve all problems (except heatstroke).

The other day I noticed that one of my DVDs was out of its case. (Pride and Prejudice, which Mum likes too). When I picked it up to put it back in the case I noticed the DVD it was sitting on top of - Squidgy Secrets. Horror! OMG I don't need to know that! Put it away! I don't need that image!. Then I looked again - it's a fishing DVD. Squidgies are a type of fishing lure.

I feel really silly.

I just finished reading The Demon King by Cinda Williams Chima, the first book of a new YA series. Chima is fast becoming one of my favourite authors. The Heir trilogy, Chima's first series, was what used to be called urban fantasy (I think it's called magic realism now?), so when I got my hot little hands on Demon King I was disappointed to find it's straight fantasy. I shouldn't have worried, it's a cracking good read. She writes teenagers so well. Access was an issue, though; one of the problems with being in Tassie is the lack of Evil Big Corporation Borders, which often stocks books that are not technically available outside the US, such as this one. I could have gone with evil Amazon, but instead chose to patronise Area 51 (or whatever it's called now - is it Ellison Hawker again?). Yay local bookstores!

I am waving my hands in the air like I just don't care! Specifically because I just bought the flights to and from Perth in January/February next year. Woohoo! Carbon-neutral economy flights, but I'm happy anyway. I'll be arriving in Perth on Saturday 23rd January and then flyng back to Hobart on 6th February, so if any Perthians wish to catch up then that's the time to do it :) Any Horbartians who wish to catch up with me are advised to chose another time :)

I went to the gym at stupid o'clock this morning, and walked home after work. Plus I managed to get through a day without eating chocolate, mainly by consuming my body weight in sugar-free chewing gum. I am almost glowing with virture.

Housesitting has finished, and I'm back at mum and dad's place. Now all I have to do is get the persistant band-aid smell out of my clothes :)

Here's a conversation I overheard at work, between L (a 20-ish young woman), D (a 20-ish young man), and H (a 30-something man), the morning after H had got himself a couple of tattoos:

L (to H): Your street cred went up 10 points last night.
D: So now it's on 10.
H: Hey!
D: No, 12 - you've got the eyebrow ring.
L (to D): What do you reckon yours is?
D: I've got the boy-band look. I'm on minus 100. I need 10 tattoos and a nose ring and a leather jacket to get up to zero.


Muse, musicians extraordinary and purveyors of prog-rock wankery of the best kind, have been doing the circuit for a few months now, beating up support for their tour and latest album The Resistance. Recently they 'played' a spot on Italian TV where they were supposed to lip-synch to the single Uprising. Turns out they're not so keen on lip-synching, but, being professionals, they did the gig. Sort of. They swapped instruments. The clip is on YouTube, and is well worth a look. Dom (the drummer, sacked from backing vocals cos he can't sing) was miming the lead vocals, Chris (the bassist) does a fairly surly job on the keyboard and lead guitar. Best of all, Matt (the lead singer) does the best worst best job, on the drums, sticks in the air and hamming it up to the camera. It makes a nice contrast with the spectacular performance they give live :) I think I'm a little bit in love. Let's all sing along:
They will not control us, they will not force us, we will be victorious.....

The lineup for the Big Day Out was announced this week; I'm chuffed because Muse, lovely Muse, is headlining. I care about this far too much, given that I am 31 and not a backward Twilight-obsessed teenager. That won't stop me, though. jbaby77, being the champ she is, is lining up tickets for the Perth BDO. So with a bit of good luck I'll be heading over to Perth for the last week in January, culminating with a day/night of jumping around like a spaz at the BDO. I am stupidly excited!

Overheard D, a young man at work, talking on the phone to one of his mates:

D: It's a fact, a scientifically proven fact, that as soon as you put the onions on the barbie people start coming over and asking "Is it ready yet?". Ya gotta put the sausages on first.

Damn those people, asking for food at a barbecue!

My parents live north of the flanelette curtain, so to speak, so the buses to their place tend to be full of bogans. (Sadly, the local term 'chiggers' seems to have fallen from favour; now they are mere bogans again). This means that there is an astonishing range of BO, unbrushed teeth and people who smell like cheese on the buses there. Afternoon trips are usually scented with chips as people eat dinner on the way home. I don't like that at all.

The buses that go through the suburb to Chez Godparents are newer than the ones to my parents' place. There is a person on my afternoon bus who smells exactly like musk sticks. But mostly the buses smell like too much deodorant, and yes, sometimes like BO.

The other day I caught a different bus to Chez Godparents, one that skips the suburb on its way past the prison on its way to the outer suburbs. It has a very different feel to it. A drunk couple was breathing beer fumes into the front of the bus, and a disshelvelled man was stinking up the back of the bus with the greasy smell of unwashed hair and neglect. The other day a pack of teenagers got on this bus, lead by Chloe (a hard-faced girl missing her two front teeth) and her boyfriend (name unknown). They all smelled like fish. Not rotting or anything like that, but strong like dried prawns, or the juice from tins of tuna. As the bus filled with the cod liver oil reek, I turned off my iPod to listen to them and heard this gem:

Chloe: Fark! Ya stink like you've been farking all day! Ya know what ya smell like?
[rustling noises, then Chloe shoves her hand into Boyfriend's face]
Boyfriend: Did you just put your hand in your pants?!
Chloe: (Laughing) Essence of Chloe.

Bonds boyleg hipsters have been my undies of choice for years now. They're comfy, cottony, brightly coloured and don't give me the dreaded wedgie.

Or at least, they did when they were Australian-made. Now that Bonds undies are made in China they are shithouse. They are more plasticy and less cottony. They sit nicely until about half way through the day, when the wedge factor kicks in. I don't think I should have to spend my afternoons trying to surrupticiously excavate my pants from my bum crack every time I walk more than three steps. And they're all like that. Are there any good points? They come in a wider range of colours, I'll give them that.

I had almost convinced myself that I was having one of those 'Wagon Wheels were bigger when I was a kid!' moments, but the other day I unearthed an ancient and greying pair of Bonds, and not only were they comfier, they remained wedge-free all day despite some elderly elastic.

So now I've got a choice: do I spend the time and effort trying to find a new brand of comfy knickers? It's a nightmare! I don't want pants that reach my armpits, but I also don't want teeny knickers that don't contain my flab. Bonds used to be the solution. But I also don't think I should settle for having my buttocks garrotted off. Should I settle for better-than-most, or try and find something actually good? Story of my life, I guess.

Curse you China!

So, it's nearly the end of the weekend in Melbourne *sob*. I'm waiting at my gate for my flight to start boarding; J is in another wing of the airport waiting for her flight.

In the last couple of days we have:
- Brunched at St Kilda Beach
- Sneered at bogans in the DFO
- Seen Justin Hamilton and some other funny chaps at the Comedy Lounge
- Bumped into J's relatives and former workmates (it's a small world)
- Chatted to random otaku on a tram
- Walked around The Royal Botanic Gardens
- Seen A Day in Pompeii at the Melbourne Museum.
- Annoyed one and a half penguins at St Kilda Beach
- Eaten an enchilada the size of my head, in Lygon Street
- Given Mr Packer $10 at the Crown Casino
- Watched some groovy sculptures in the ACMI

I'll write more about this stuff later, when I'm not paying $2 for 20 minutes!

* A seeing-eye Newfoundland. Who knew the Newfies could be trained as assistance-dogs?

* Lots of multiculturalism. For example, I think I heard at least four different languages while I was sitting in Nandos eating my lunch. I've lots count of the number of accents I've heard. Awesome! It's very different from the sliced-Wonderloaf of Hobart. (And yes, I know that eating lunch in Nandos is a complete waste of a mealtime in a city that is famous for its dining options. I just wanted a a chicken wrap).

* Lots of people who look like people I know. It's like walking through a city of doppelgangers.

* Far, far, far too many charity collectors. A couple on every block. I know Friday is charity-collecting day, but still! No, I don't want to sign up to your charity to save the whales/trees/tiny orphan children with cancer. One guy had a hand-puppet echidna, that's just cheating! Please leave me alone.

* Too many homeless people here. We need some action on this, it's not right. I'm looking for a new charity to donate to, maybe i'll pick one that helps the homeless.

* A spruiker who sounded like a Dalek. She was a squat, middle-aged woman with a big, bleached bouffant and glamourous clothes, spruiking for a jewellery store in town. Bar-gains, bar-gains, BAR-GAINS! You will find BAR-GAINS! Destroy all hum-mans! She didn't actually say that last bit, but the feeling was there.

J just arrived! We're going back to the Bonds factory, but I'm not sure where else. Plans will be planned, I am sure. But first, we are off to find some breakfast.

I'm in Melbourne for the weekend!

Even though a Virgin plane caught on fire yesterday (it was leaving Launceston - pretty sure I'd set myself on fire if I had to go to Lonnie, too) I got here safely at stupid o'clock this morning. I was supposed to meet J at the airport, but unfortunately she had plane troubles and so will not be arriving til tomorrow. The take-home message from this is don't fly with Tiger Airlines.

The hostel we are staying in is called Habitat HQ, in St Kilda. It used to be called Cooee so I don't mind the wanky name. The room is nice and doesn't smell like socks, so it's good.

After checking in I went to the Bonds factory outlet, and I've been wandering around town since then. I hadn't really intended doing much shopping, but I've had a pretty good time weaving in and out of bookstores, clothes shops and shoe emporiums (emporia?). Also, two fabric stores, but I haven't bought any fabric, even though I saw some really lovely printed cotton lawn (imported from London and very pretty). However, I think it says something very sad about me when I seriously debate whether $70 is too much to pay for a much-needed leather handbag after spending $60 on sensible cotton underwear in many colours.

There was woman on the tram who was carrying a briefcase (so, on her way to work). Her 'work outfit' was: sensible low heels, drapey wollen suit-pants and a doublet. A rust-coloured velvet doublet. Awesome.

A different woman on the bus, who I was sitting beside, put on a cardigan and said to me "I had to wear layers today - I'm attending the Writer's Festival and the auditorium gets so hot!" which impressed me (Writers' Festival!) while also a bit scornful of her big-noting herself to silent strangers! I won't look down on her too much, though, because I think I might have given her hayfever by wearing perfume.

I saw a teenager, dressed as an anime frog. She(?) was wearing a hooded green cape with kermit-y anime eyes on it, and had somehow managed to dye her hair exactly the same shade as the cape. Awesome.

Someone tried to scam me! I was about to key in my PIN at an ATM when a guy walked up to me and said he had got some money out of the ATM and forgot to take it with him, and had I seen it? I said no, cancelled the transaction, and walked away. He shouted at me all the way down the street, saying I'd taken his money.

This internet cafe is in the best location - there are some sliding glass doors to my left and a guy just ran full pelt into them. Comedy gold!

One of the things I love about big cities is the amount of specialisation that can occur in shops. My fave so far is a Japanese sweet shop, selling such varied delights as coffee toffee, mochi and pork floss (which appears to be minced pork jerky). I'll stick with the sushi, I reckon.

I'm set up in Chez Godparents! It took a couple of car trips, but it's all good. Dad was stressing out but, as I pointed out, I am 15 minutes drive away and if I have forgotten something I can very easily return to get it. I'm still working on ridding the place of it's nasty old-people smell.

A few months ago girliejones and I briefly discussed an idea for a reality show that combined The Biggest Loser with So You Think You Can Dance?. And by the providence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, our imagining has caused it to come into existance. It's called Dance Your Ass Off (although it's usually advertised as Dance Your A** Off - what could possibly be under those stars?). It's a total abortion of a show and I suggest you never ever watch it. Half an hour of my life I will never get back.

The computers at the gym are located in the free weights area, so as I type I am surrounded by sweaty semi-clothed men who are panting a lot. Interestingly this is somewhat less appealing than one would suppose.

I am now officially housesitting for my godparents, but I won't actually be moving in until Friday, or more likely Saturday, because I am lazy. It's the parent-supplied net access that I'll miss since I'm not sure I can justify getting wireless broadband until I've paid off my debts.

I heard this awesome racist joke the other day:
A racist is walking along Bondi Beach when he sees a $100 note on the ground. Then he catches on fire and dies. The end.

Bloody typical! My iPod ran out of juice this morning while I was at the gym. Any other day would be bad enough, but channel V (music provider for gyms everywhere) was having some kind of pop nightmare morning. 6:30am on a Saturday is too early to watch Britney Spears and Avril Lavigne!

I saw an ad this morning for a video game called Plants vs Zombies. Guess which recently deceased celebrity features in the ad? Death has been good to Mr Jackson. I'm kinda hoping the conspiricy theories are true and he really did fake his own death to get out of debt.

And speaking of zombies, there is a movie coming out in October (October in the US... maybe March in Oz) called Zombieland. The trailer is a bit Shaun of the Dead crossed with a coming-of-age film. I want to see it now....

We have been summoned to banjo country tomorrow to see my sister and brother-in-law! And help clean the house since they have to move out tomorrow. Any reason is good enough for me, even if it involves cleaning products :)

The current issue of crafty webzine The AntiCraft is about merkins. Yup. Interesting.

I should probably start sorting out clothes and stuff to take to housesitting, but I can't be bothered.

I find it very amusing that my cheap gym still has free internet access. No classes. No pool. Only two functioning showers. But net access :) And they provide tiny towels to wipe sweat off equipment with. Noice.

This morning on the way back from the gym (yeah, I joined a gym) I stopped into Woolies to pick up a drink and some choccies to take along to the craft fair. As I was paying for my stuff a guy walked out of the store. He was wearing a dark hoodie, had his hands in his pockets and generally looked a stereotype of shoplifter. WHich lead to this exchange -

Woolies Employee: Sir? SIR? Come back here, sir. Do you have something there?
Bogan: I've just come from interstate.

WTF? You're asked if you've stolen stuff and your answer is "I'm not from round these parts"? How is that relevant? Also, if you're going to shoplift, you might want to try doing it at rush hour and not at 7:30am in the morning when there are five people in the store.

So, Michael Jackson died of a heart attack, eh? Only 50, that's rough. Hopefully now some of the truly great music he created will eclipse the broken freak caricature he became. However, I've more than had enough of the tributes, thanks. I swear to god, next time I hear You Are Not Alone I'm going to stick a broken bottle in someone's face.

Today I had a day off work (yay!) and went to the Craft and Quilt Fair (yay!). If I had any social grace I would probably have told work that I was having a day off to see a band or go skydiving or something cool. However, being the kryptonite of cool, I have embraced my inner nanna even on that front, and told the powers-that-be that my day off would be spent with yarn and batting.

The so-called catering at this event is no better in Hobart than it was in Perth - a sensible caterer would set up shop and make a mint if they offered decent food at a reasonable price. So instead we brought packed lunches. B, I and T managed to secure a table - I'm not saying that they did anything violent to get it, but our table remained suspiciously unmolested for the duration of lunch.

The quilts on display were inspiring. cassiphone and godiyeva both had entries in the quilt show, I was impressed. There was also a section of what are called 'journal quilts' - A4-sized quiltlets used primarily (it seems) for experimenting with new techniques and themes without the commitment of a full-sized quilt. I think I like that idea.

I bought some alpaca tops in many natural shades (alpacas come in many colours) and some white alpaca sliver. I was also looking for a pretty black-and-white border print for a quilt, but this year all the quilting fabric seemed to be asian-inspired. Very beautiful stuff, but not what I was looking for at all. Oh, and a tip to stallholders: if your stall is always completely packed and busy, it might be a good idea to put prices on your wares. So people will know how much they cost, instead of trying to catch your eye while you faff around with the three million other people you have to serve first, and then walk away. I can't be bothered with that waiting crap anymore, I can get stuff online.

The other day I went and saw Transformers: Rise of the Fallen with M and A and some old guy from A's work. Who thought up that subtitle? Sounds to me a bit like "I've fallen and I can't get up!", which oddly is exactly what happened to the plot. There were many explosions, so yay. The soundtrack was very loud and unfortunately was provided entirely by soft-cock-rockers Linkin Park. Boooo! The explosions were good, at least.

About the Melbourne trip - I found out that Avenue Q starts its Melbourne run just before I get there. Must remember to check out ticket prices, because it is too funny to miss (unless it is stupidly expensive, then screw it). Check it out on YouTube if you haven't heard of it :)

Y'know how I said that 4:55pm is a bad time to have a fire drill? Well, it's not such a good time to have an actual fire either. Turns out that while we sauntered down the stairs there were leaping flames in the aircon units a few floors up. Two buildings got evacutated, but apparently there wasn't major damage (phew!). On the plus side, we now know that the ground floor emergency fire exit (one of the two options for getting out of the building) has to be opened from the outside, because it is broken. I'm sure they'll fix it right away :)

Bloody N emailed me the lyrics to Hangin' Tough by the New Kids on the Block. (What?! It was relevant to the conversation). It's going to be rattling around in my noggin for days now, I just know it. Goddammit!